


Memory All Alone in the Moonlight

by Greengrasspony



Series: August Sheith Week [3]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, August Sheith Week, Day 7: memories, M/M, Memories, Pre-Kerberos Mission, SHEITH - Freeform, Sheith Week 2016, Shiro remembers, Sorry for the sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-27
Updated: 2016-08-27
Packaged: 2018-08-11 09:43:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,167
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7886215
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Greengrasspony/pseuds/Greengrasspony
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Don’t you forget Shiro.” Keith whispers into his mouth, “Don’t you forget about me.”</p><p>“I could never forget about you…” Shiro crushes Keith to him in a hug trying to memorize his warmth and how he feels not know the next time he’ll be able to hug Keith.</p><p>(also known as Shiro remembers everything about him and Keith)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Memory All Alone in the Moonlight

**Author's Note:**

> This is written for day 7: memories of August Sheith Week. It is based on the first fic I wrote for sheith week called Remember but you don't have to read it to understand this one.

Shiro dreaded going to sleep because sleep meant going back to the arena. His twisted mind pulling him back in like the galra physically dragging him down that long hall that echoed the screams of the spectators chanting. “Champion must fight!” The monster they made him into waking up when he closed his eyes. To avoid the nightmares Shiro resigned himself to just never sleeping. If he didn't sleep then he couldn't dream and relive the expression of every innocent life he slaughtered. 

Every night when the castle was sound asleep Shiro slipped out of bed and walked the halls. With one hand on the wall to ground him, Shiro could almost pretend he was back at the garrison, before everything went to shit. If he squinted he could picture the inlets leading to the dorms. If he strained his ears he could almost hear the Major arguing with a cadet or the sound of Matt’s big brain whirring with ideas of new inventions or theories. 

When he comes back to his senses Shiro realizes his feet led him to the gladiator room. “Well a little training never hurt anyone.” Shiro sighs feeling the pull of his eyes wanting to close and the heaviness in his muscles. He'd made the same excuse for the past month but after an hour or two of leveling up against the gladiator Shiro could pass into a dreamless sleep. It wasn't healthy but it worked and that's all that mattered. 

Tonight was no different except he could feel the strain in his legs as he approaches the sparring room. Maybe he wouldn't even need the whole hour before he fell asleep. It was a risky idea, too much sleep and the nightmares would return, but Shiro wasn't sure he had enough energy to put up a good fight. 

Regardless he said the entry code and the gladiator woke up. “Set to level 4” Shiro commanded thinking at a higher level he’d only have to fight once before he was drained. Gathering himself into his stance, Shiro activated his metal arm and prepared to fight. However, starting at a higher level went about as well as someone trying to cook something faster by increasing the temperature of an oven. It backfired in smoke and distress. 

In Shiro’s case he started the fight normally but the pull of fatigue was too strong and he felt himself slowing. With a growl Shiro pushes harder trying to compensate for his failing strength. The whole room is washed in a purple glow as Shiro puts all his energy and emotions into fighting back the demons in his head and he trips right as the gladiator takes a swing at him. Shiro is thrown against the wall and collapses too exhausted to fight anymore so he scrunches into a ball to protect himself from the inevitable nightmare as he falls unconscious. 

_Shiro hears laughter and turns around. Matt is walking out of the simulator with a beaming smile on his face._

_“Dude we just made a new record time! Is that even physically possible anymore or did you rig the sim to let you go faster?” Matt pretends to cry from joy and Shiro playfully smacks him in the back of his fluffy head._

_“Rigging the sims is your thing not mine.” He gives the shorter boy a look but they both can't help the proud smiles on their face. Shiro throws an arm around Matt’s shoulder and the small hand on Shiro’s back leads them straight to the mess hall for a well earned lunch. He glances back and for a second Shiro thinks he sees Keith but shakes it off. The younger cadet is supposed to be in class so why would he be by the sims?_

_Later on in the week Shiro passes Keith and drags him to the side of the hall. “How are you holding up? I know I haven't had much time to see you recently but are you alright? My Keith senses were tingling the other day saying you weren't in...class?” Shiro quirks a brow trying to get a reaction to disprove what he saw._

_Keith just shrugs. “I needed to stretch my legs so the Major let me take a walk and I saw you guys leave the sim. You must have done pretty well to have Matt raving for the rest of the day.” Keith says and Shiro thinks he hears bitterness in his voice._

_Shiro pulls Keith into a headlock and ruffles his hair. “How dare you tell a senior officer of your misdeeds and think you'll be in the clear. Skipping class to try the sim. It's...it's inexcusable.” Shiro gaps and gasps for effect even putting his foot down but his eyes are light with mirth._

_Keith scoffs and rolls his eyes, “Yeah yeah it's not like you're going to report me. Mr. Oh-so-superior-officer-sir.” Keith shakes his head tossing a quick glare at a few cadets that pass them._

_Shiro frowns slightly as he watches but quickly goes back to smiling when Keith turns around, even going far as ruffling his hair again. Behind the smile Shiro is conflicted. Why would Keith glare at them. They weren't even looking this way. What's gotten into him? Shiro thinks._

_It gets harder once he is selected for the Kerberos mission. He feels honored and is excited to be exploring the icy moon with Matt but knows that he won't be able to see Keith. Every day is packed with wake up, eat, research, train, study and possibly eat before passing out on his bed on a good night. Matt keeps hassling him about sleep and proper nutrition intake but all Shiro can think about is how he's left Keith alone. Keith, the boy he promised to protect and care for, all alone. So the minute he hears he has a free day he tells Keith. Tells him that it will be a whole day of normal, just the two of them. It is then that Shiro sees a genuine smile on Keith's face for the first time in weeks. It makes Shiro feels warm and fuzzy like he's finally doing something right._

_The day comes but Shiro is exhausted and sleeps through his alarm. Matt wakes him up around noon and he freaks out throwing himself into training to make up for lost time. His friend shakes his head but spars with Shiro thinking if he goes easy Shiro won't overdo it. It didn't work and by the end of the night Shiro was panting and doing everything he could to not collapse on the smaller of the the two. As he fell into a dreamless sleep Shiro felt a pull in his mind like he was forgetting something but he was too drained to remember._

_Shiro wakes with a start as the sun is peeking through his shades and he remembers. Keith. He was supposed to be with Keith yesterday and he blew it. He started pacing around the room trying to figure out what to do. He wants to burst through Keith’s door and beg for Keith’s forgiveness because he knows there is no excuse but he can’t. He knows the cadet doesn’t get enough sleep as it is (ignoring the fact that neither does he) so he can’t wake him up at the crack of dawn, even if it is to beg for his forgiveness for skipping out on their day. But that wasn’t true, Shiro didn’t intentionally stand Keith up but he felt just as guilty._

_His first stop is the training deck because that is where they were going to meet and a desperate part of his mind thinks if Keith is still there then as long as Shiro is there too then he won’t feel as terrible. The minute the thought leaves his brain he feels horrified with himself, if he did that it would be as terrible as if he acted like it wasn’t supposed to happen. He couldn’t do that to Keith. Keith is worth so much more than a stood up date and guilty conscious. But Shiro still needed to check the room, to make sure that he wasn’t in there. He would feel awful if Keith fell asleep in the training room. What is he thinking he already feels terrible, and horrible, and like the worst friend in the world if you could still call Shiro his friend. He didn’t want to think about what would happen if Keith stopped being his friend._

_Shiro reaches the room and can’t stop the sigh of relief that escapes him when he sees the room is empty. He turns around and makes the long trek back to Keith’s room, rehearsing his apology in his head._

_“Keith I’m so so sorry. There is no excuse for not showing up. I slept in late and forgot I had a free day so I continued training and studying. Please I don’t want your forgiveness I just wanted you to know I didn’t forget about you.” He thinks but scrunches up his face when he finishes, it sounds too forced and fake. Shiro knows there is no way to convey how sorry he is but all he’s got are words so he tries again, “Keith I-” but how does he start? “Keith, I’m sorry. Keith I know I’m a terrible friend but I need you to know that none of this is your fault,” Because Shiro knows Keith will be blaming himself, telling himself he isn’t important enough for Shiro’s friendship. He’s heard it enough from the younger boy when he thought Shiro wasn’t listening. Hearing Keith talk about himself so terribly broke Shiro’s heart so whenever he can he reassures Keith that if something out of his control goes wrong it isn’t his fault._

_When Shiro looks up he has reached Keith’s door and raises his hand to knock. Shiro knocks once. Twice. But there is no response. “Keith?” Shiro says quietly then knocks again. “Keith I know you’re in there. I know you hate me and I stood you up but none of this is your fault. I slept through my alarm and forgot I had a free day.” Still no answer so Shiro keeps talking trying to keep his voice strong, “I’m so sorry.” He pauses, “I’m so sorry and I’m not asking for your forgiveness, I don’t deserve it. I wronged you. I’m really sorry.” Shiro finishes and leans his head against the door trying to hear something, anything from inside. He things he hears a sniffle and the bed creaking and it tightens the knot in his stomach but he’s done all he can do. Keith will need time to trust him again so until then Shiro had to give Keith distance. He has to walk away from the boy that makes his chest tight when he says Shiro’s name. Away from the friend who Shiro treasures the most. Shiro needs to walk away, to protect Keith from the disaster that is Shiro himself._

_Over the next few months Shiro gets more free days and makes more promises to Keith. He should stop calling them promises since he never keeps them but that's what Keith says every time so the name sticks. It breaks his heart every time he forgets but it’s his own fault. Ever since he was assigned to the Kerberos Mission, Shiro had been getting less sleep. And while Shiro is functional when sleep deprived, he is forgetful. Every time Shiro forgets he goes back to Keith’s room to apologize even though he’s not even sure Keith is in there anymore. Shiro knows it’s not healthy and Keith should just stop being friends with him because of how many times Shiro has let the boy down but he can’t help the flutter in his heart when Keith hears Shiro has another free day. The way his eyes light up with hope that makes Shiro smile and feel warm. Maybe if Shiro never told him, he wouldn’t be able to let Keith down but Shiro knows that isn’t true. Keith would find out eventually and would be even more hurt that Shiro didn’t tell him than when he forgets._

_His last free day is two days before his team is set to launch. Shiro knows he needs to do something to make it right he pushes himself hard the whole week before to make sure he has nothing on the day because it has to be perfect. When Shiro wakes up he scrambles to throw on clothes and runs to the meeting spot. He sits and waits all day until nightfall. Keith never shows. Shiro should have seen it coming since he is never there so why should Keith bother with showing up...but it still hurts. Instead of going to bed Shiro walks to Keith’s room and knocks. He doesn’t apologize, doesn’t say anything just knocks then waits, and knocks and waits. When Keith doesn’t answer Shiro starts to shake, he turns around and leans back against the door sliding down until he is curled up into a little ball. The shaking turns into light gasps and tears form wet dots on his knees._

_“I failed you.” Shiro whispers letting the tears fall freely. “I failed you as a friend. I failed you as a mentor. I failed you as a…” He shakes his head and pushes back his fringe only for it to fall back on his forehead. “I’m so sorry Keith.” Shiro sobs, angry at himself, angry at the world for letting him fail this boy who deserved the universe when all Shiro could give him in return is broken promises, and angry at Keith for forgiving Shiro every time. For putting so much faith in him only for Shiro to let him down._

_He doesn’t remember falling asleep but when he awakes he is warmer. Shiro looks around and there is a blanket on him and he breaks into a sad smile when he sees Keith curled up next to him, almost clinging to his shirt. Shiro sighs and carefully detaches Keith’s hands so he can carry the boy back to bed. “Maybe he did hear me.” A small part of Shiro thinks but he shakes his head, he couldn’t have. Luckily Keith’s door was open a crack so Shiro lifts Keith bridal style and carries him to his bed. Shiro tucks him in and tries not to think that is will be one of the last times he’ll see Keith for months, maybe years. As he is leaving Shiro grabs a spare sticky note and writes “Meet me on the roof. -S” Then he quietly shuts the door and makes the long climb to the roof of the dorms._

_This is his last chance to make it up to Keith, to set things right and to make Keith see just how much Shiro cares for him even if he is terrible at showing it. So Shiro waits with the blanket wrapped around his shoulders as he watches the sun rise. His train of thought is broken when he hears the door to the roof squeak on it’s hinges._

_“I was wondering if you were going to show up.” Shiro hums not turning around. He can’t bear to see Keith’s face, the sooner he says what he needs to say the sooner Keith can forget Shiro and move on with his life._

_“Thats your thing not mine.” Keith says with a hint of bitterness._

_Shiro lets out a long tired breath, “Look Keith, I know you’re never going to forgive me so I just wanted you to know that none of this was your fault. I overworked myself and lost track of time and forgot. A lot. So I’m not seeking your forgiveness. I-” Shiro pauses to clear his throat. He needs to hold it together for a couple more minutes. After that he can cry and scream at how stupid and awful he is as a person but until then he needs to hold it in. For Keith. “I just needed to see you one last time.”_

_Keith fidgets then says in a quiet voice, “I don’t hate you.” Shiro looks up in shock. His eyes wide, every emotion from hurt to confusion to relief flashing across his face in an instant. “It hurts so much I don’t think I can bear it,” He continues and Shiro looks pained but Keith is determined, “But I do because I know it’s not you pulling the strings anymore. You haven’t been yourself since Kerberos so...so you aren’t to blame either.”_

_Shiro takes a step back shaking his head as if he can’t believe this is real, “But...but I hurt you, I broke my promises. I don’t deserve your kindness and forgiveness.”_

_Keith shakes his head sadly, “All you can do is forgive the one you love.”_

_Shiro freezes, his eyes searching Keith’s face for the truth but he’s looking down not making eye contact. Shiro must have heard him wrong. But love, how could Keith love him?_

_“There I said it. I can curse and scream and fight till I'm bloody but it doesn't change how I feel. It never will.” Keith looks up and Shiro is blown away by the passion in Keith’s expression. “But yeah, it hurts. Every day waking up, knowing you're leaving. That all we’ll ever be is friends and-” Keith keeps rambling but Shiro takes a step forward, his arm out to do something to comfort the storm inside Keith’s head, “And friends just isn't enough anymore-”_

_Shiro takes the last step closing the distance and silences Keith’s raging thoughts with a desperate kiss. Shiro didn’t realize it until then, but it was love. What Keith was describing how he ached whenever they were apart and why Shiro kept trying despite the little voice in his head telling him to run away. It never had a name but was there the whole time. Shiro pours all his emotion into the kiss and can feel Keith’s anguish and longing. After what seems like forever Keith breaks off and slumps into Shiro’s arms shuddering and sobbing._

_“For so long I thought, I felt so wrong for wanting just you. I-I’d get jealous but friends don't get jealous of their friend spending time with other people. Or how you promised that it's our day but...but you never showed.” Keith rambles clenching Shiro’s shirt until his knuckles turn white, “I fell asleep in the room. Did you know that? Stupid Keith falling asleep on a date. I got so excited when you said it'd be a date. I just. Hurt. But not like a broken bone hurt. Like a fog that hangs over the garrison for days kind of hurt. One you can't shake.” Keith quiets and relishes in Shiro’s warm embrace._

_“I’m so sorry I hurt you, Keith.” Shiro starts, “I let you down, I failed you and you’ve done nothing but forgive me.” Shiro tries to calm Keith by rubbing circles on his back._

_“I'll forgive you but do one thing.”_

_“Anything.” Shiro whispers, his head leaning against Keith’s._

_“Kiss me. Prove to me this is real. That you are real.” Keith says desperately._

_So Shiro guides Keith lips to meet his and kisses him. It is slow and tender, one of Shiro’s hands tangles in Keith’s hair while the other rubs up and down Keith’s arm to ground him. Shiro tries to show Keith that he is the world, he is the sun in Shiro’s life and without him Shiro would be lost in darkness._

_Keith pulls back enough that they can rest their foreheads together, “I only just got you and now you have to leave.” He whines but it’s breathy and soft from the kiss._

_“It’ll only be for a couple of months, plus you can call the shuttle. I’ll be back before you can miss me.” Shiro replies but he says it more to convince himself than to reassure Keith._

_“Fine.” Keith gives him a wobbly smile, “The day you get back we are going on a proper date. No skipping out this time.” Keith waves his finger and pokes Shiro in the chest. “You got that mister?”_

_Shiro lets out a watery chuckle. “It’s a date then.” Shiro pulls him in for one last kiss, it’s bittersweet and he can taste the saltiness of their tears._

_“Don’t you forget Shiro.” Keith whispers into his mouth, “Don’t you forget about me.”_

_“I could never forget about you…” Shiro crushes Keith to him in a hug trying to memorize his warmth and how he feels not know the next time he’ll be able to hug Keith._

Shiro wakes up in a cold sweat. He is shaking and panicking because he remembers and he NEEDS to see Keith to make sure it isn’t the druid’s magic messing with his head. If it is he might cry, granted he might cry either way. When Shiro tries to get up he stumbles realizing he is still on the floor of the training room. He isn’t surprised considering he just relived his entire life at the garrison before Kerberos, so a temporary lapse in memory of where he is, is to be expected. Once he can stand, Shiro sprints to Keith’s room not caring what time it is because he needs to see Keith. Needs to hear Keith. Needs to prove that the memory was real. He knocks on the door furiously until he hears a groan and the door opens.

The door opens to reveal a half asleep Keith in only boxers. “Shiro what are you doing up? You should be asleep.” 

As he prepares to lecture Shiro on the wonders of the the blissful darkness call the unconscious mind Shiro chokes out, “I love you.” Keith blinks slowly as he wakes up. "I remembered Keith. I remembered, and I love you, and-" he looks at Keith closely as tears form in his eyes. 

 

Keith sniffles, his eyes widening and whispers "I knew you couldn’t forget" he hastily wipes the sleep from his eyes and pulls Shiro into a desperate kiss which dissolves into a hug. Both of them clinging to the other as if to make up for the time they were separated physically and mentally.

Shiro backs Keith up into his room and the two fall on his bed in a heap all smiles and soft touches neither of them believing it is real. Shiro lays on his side facing Keith and brushes the long hair out of the smaller one’s eyes as Keith leans into Shiro’s touch. They move slowly, Keith tracing Shiro’s muscles through his shirt and Shiro carding his fingers through Keith’s hair. They lean in for another kiss and Shiro pulls Keith closer so his head is on Shiro’s chest and their legs are tangled. They fall asleep cuddling as they savor the moment.

Keith wakes up feeling cold and lost. His memories of last night are hazy from sleep but the warm feeling in his chest grows when he remembers the words Shiro said. He smiles and buries his face in the pillow. Keith shivers but isn’t concerned because Shiro is always the first one up in the castle. He goes about his morning routine and enters the training deck for a quick spar before breakfast. When Keith spots Shiro and he brightens quickening his steps.

"Shiro!" He calls with a bit of glee about to fall into a kiss with Shiro but freezes a step away from the other man. Shiro is no longer the man who confessed his old love for Keith. He isn’t the man who held Keith close and promised to never leave again. The Shiro in front of him is the Shiro that he saw right after they rescued him from the garrison scientists. He is the Shiro who forgot. 

"Keith about last night. I don't remember much. I must have had a nightmare and found my way into your room. I'm so sorry for invading your space. I know how much you don't like people prying." Shiro says before Keith can do anything. He looks deeply upset with himself but all Keith can do is open and close his mouth not a sound coming out. 

"It- it's no problem. You're always welcome if you can't sleep. I know it isn't easy." He croaks trying to hold the tidal wave of emotions in. 

"Thank you Keith. You are a wonderful friend and I don't know what I would do without you." Shiro relaxes giving Keith a warm smile. 

"Yeah...you're a great" He swallows the lump in his throat, "friend...too." Keith knew it was possible but he didn't want to believe it. Shiro forgot again. For a moment everything was perfect, he could go back to life before Kerberos stole Shiro. He was allowed a moment of happiness but all happiness has to end.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading the story. Tell me what you think in the comments and you can find me on Instagram and Twitter at @greengrasspony.


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